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User blog:Jackythejack/Hit-Girl vs. Sweet Tooth
I certainly hope this is a fair fight and that I can stay concious while writing this and not pass out with my phone. So we have the foul mouthed vigilante Hit-Girl in the ring, and her opponent is going to be the insane ice cream clown himself, Needles Kane. With that being said, um...lets go over their weapons that they'll be using, and then they're X-factors afterwards. So, every combatant will be given a short range weapon, a medium ranged weapon, a long ranged weapon, and a special weapon. I'm going to name off the weapons in that order and see how well this goes. So, the weapons that Hit-Girl will have are as follows For her short ranged weapon she is given the Butterfly knife. For her medium ranged weapon, she will be given the Duel wield Glock 22s, for her long range she'll be given a Heckler & Koch MP5, and her special weapon is her signature Katana as for her opponent, Sweet Tooth, he will be given a somewhat similar arsenal. His first close rangeed weapon is the Meat Cleaver, his medium ranged weapon being a TEC-9, his long range weapon being a Heckler & Koch MP7, and his special being his signature Machete. X factor scoring The X-factors here are going to be brutality, intelligence, strength, experience and agility, and they're be judged on a scale of 1 to 100 so let's begin. Brutality: Hit-Girl: 90 Needles: 90 To be quite frank, these two are on similar levels of brutality in the fact that they both just kind of leave a mess wherever they go. I mean just look at all of the things that they've done. Can't say those things are anything except for brutal. Intelligence: Hit-Girl: 70 Sweet Tooth: 65 To be frank it'd be a bit difficulty to gauge their intelligence, considering it's a little girl and an insane man, but all things considered, Hit-Girl should at least be smarter and make less rash decisions than Sweet Tooth, who has by now lost his mind completely. Strength: Hit-Girl: 65 Sweet Tooth: 80 Sweet Tooth, being a full grown adult, obviously hasn't more muscles and strength than a girl such as Hit-Girl. I mean, come on, he's a full grown man, it's a little obvious. At least I think so but I'm tired at the moment so... Experience: Hit-Girl: 80 Sweet Tooth: 83 I'm probably wrong about this, but both Hit-Girl and Sweet Tooth seem to have a lot of experience in killing and combat, with Hit-Girl being raised since she was a young child, so she had gotten an early start and could catch up to someone such as Needles when it comes to killing experience. Not to say Needles isn't impressive either. Agility: Hit-Girl: 80 Sweet Tooth: 60 Let's be honest, Sweet Tooth doesn't exactly look like he's the fastest guy around, and a little girl like Hit-Girl is smaller and harder to...well, hit. Considering how much smaller she isn't compared to Needles, its going to be difficult for him to hit her, while he's a bit more slow and sluggish. And yeah, uh...correct me if I'm wrong on the edges but...yeah, voting starts now I suppose? I'm gonna pass out soon. The Battle Hit-Girl and Kick-Ass were walking down the streets of New York City, both of them chatting about some incredibly stupid topics. Kick seemed to be determined to tell Hit-Girl about all of these stupid Youtube videos that he's been watching, and Hit-Girl tried to make it very clear that she didn't care nearly as much as Kick thought she did, but apparently they must have put a lot of metal plates in his head, because he was acting as dense as ever. Thankfully, Hit-Girl had found what she thought was going to be her saving grace to get away from Kick's ramblings about video games and Youtube. There was an ice cream truck! Just down that alleyway, actually! Hit-Girl even noticed the ice cream man come out of the truck. He was...a weird looking ice cream man, that's for sure, but if there's an ice cream man, then there's definitely an opportunity to get some ice cream. "Hey, Kick, you want some ice cream?" Mindy had asked, and these seemed to get Kick to stop talking about whatever nerdy thing he was talking about now. He gave Mindy a blank stare for a moment, and she had to gesture down the alleyway to show him what she was talking about. "There's an ice cream truck down there. What do you want?" Kick looked past Mindy and his eyes widened, presumably upon seeing the ice cream man. His eyes then turned back to Mindy. "You mean you're going down there? To get ice cream from that guy?" "I mean...yeah. What's so weird about it?" Mindy reached a hand into her pocket to see if she had enough money. She was sure she did, but it helped to make sure. "I mean, that's sort of his job." "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought the fact that his head was on fire might have made him a bit too intimidating." Kick spoke in a sarcastic tone, and Hit rolled her eyes. "Look, I've seen weirder things than that, Kick. I'm sure it's just like special effects or something." "Special effects? Do you see a camera crew around here?" Kick gestured his hands wildly to their surroundings to further support his point. "No, but I do see a park right next to us, and that's where I want you to wait for me while I get the ice cream." "Dude, we can go get ice cream literally anywhere else. It's New York City! We don't have to go down some alleyway to-" "Kick, listen to me, I'm going down that alley, and it's going to be fine, alright? If that guy is any trouble than I'll be able to take care of him, and you know that. I'm sure I've dealt with worse." "Uh..." Dave glanced between the alleyway and Hit-Girl as his mind went through the options. She probably wasn't going to give up until he let her go. He let out a sigh. "Fine, fine. Go ahead, I'll be waiting for you." "That's good," Mindy said with a grin as she took a side step towards the alley. "Now, what flavor ice cream do you want?" "Mint, please," Kick called out as he walked towards the park, and the girl nodded as she moved towards the ice cream truck, a wad of one dollar bills in her pocket that she was going to hope could buy at least one ice cream cone. Hey, if she didn't have enough, Dave could go awhile without ice cream, and she deserves one after putting up with him the whole time. Needles had gotten out of his car for only a moment to take a quick break from all of the driving. He didn't expect to stay in the city for too long, and he was either going to leave this place with an increased kill count, or he was planning on smashing a few buildings before leaving. No, it wouldn't do him any good in the long run, but it's cathartic as all get out to smash down a building every once and awhile. As for why he was in an alley, well, they don't allow people with flaming heads into gas stations, mostly due to an explosive hazard. Besides, one of the best things about driving an ice cream truck everywhere was that you had all of the ice cream you needed in case you get hungry or are in need of a cold treat, which was exactly what Needles was right now. The killer clown had been craving a cold snack ever since he had entered the city. Having a fire constantly burn your scalp makes you uncomfortably hot, as you'd probably guess, and he found out that ice cream more or less subdued the pain for a while. Just as Needles was about to remove his mask to enjoy his frozen, strawberry delicacy, a girl had approached him and suddenly snatched the ice cream out of his hand. It was such a sudden action that he barely had time to react, let alone stop her. His mind had to take a moment to process what was going on. "Hey, it's like you can read minds or something," the girl said with a chuckle, but Sweet Tooth had just begun to see red as he watched her begin to lick the ice cream cone that was rightfully his. "Hey, listen, you got any Mint? I got a friend who wants some and I'm willing to pay." "That was...mine," Sweet tooth had grumbled from under his mask. Was this girl asking for a painful end right now? Because that's exactly how you get one. Needles glanced to the open window on his ice cream truck. He saw his bloodied cleaver laying on the counter, along with a few firearms that were out of the girl's view. They were just an arms reach away from him. "Oh, come on, you have a whole truck full of this stuff. Don't go all jealous on me," Hit-Girl said with a roll of her eyes, but her words were now falling on deaf ears as Needles' vision was practically tinted red. "It...was...MINE!" Sweet Tooth's hand had reached into his truck and grabbed the cleaver that was on the counter. He pulled it out into the open and slashed it in the direction of the girl. Mindy's eyes widened in surprise as she stepped back, though she didn't go unscathed. The cleaver managed to knick her shoulder, ripping the fabric of her clothing and cutting her shoulder, but thankfully it wasn't a deep cut. "Ow! What the hell!?" Hit-Girl had dropped the ice cream in surprise and brought a hand to her shoulder. She saw as Sweet Tooth brought his cleaver up to bring it down, probably intending to split her head into two. Hit rushed to the right before Sweet Tooth could slam the cleaver down onto her. As she moved, she pulled a small butterfly knife out of her pocket and flipped the blade out. "You're dead meat, girlie!" “All of this for some ice cream?” Hit asked while ducking underneath a horizontal slice from Needles’ cleaver. She lunged forward and sliced his stomach once with her blade before running towards the entrance of the alleyway. “You’re not going anywhere!” Sweet Tooth grabs Hit by the arm before she was able to get away and slam her into the side of the ice cream truck. Mindy winced as she was slammed arm first into the side of the truck. Sweet Tooth brought his cleaver up into the air, but Hit stabbed him in the leg with her butterfly knife before he was able to bring it down on her. The killer clown screamed in pain as he loosened his grip on her, allowing her to get away. Hit turned to face the clown as she slowly backed towards the entrance of the alleyway. She wasn’t able to leave the alley before Needles had pulled the knife out of his leg and spiked it into the ground. He reached a hand into his ice cream truck and pulled out a firearm. Hit-Girl recognized it was a Tac-9, and she knew that the fight had gone in a direction she wasn’t hoping for. “Eat lead, bitch.” Sweet Tooth shot his gun towards the girl, and one of the bullets had hit Mindy right in the arm. The girl gasped from the pain and hopped behind a dumpster for some sort of cover. Bullets riddled the alleyway as she reached for the two pistols she had on her. After preparing herself for the recoil, she hopped out of the dumpster cover and unloaded in the direction of Sweet Tooth. The clown returned with his own fire and neither combatant chose to get into cover. Two bullets dug themselves into Needles’ right leg, and he kneeled down due to this, but it didn’t stop him from unloading the entire magazine towards Hit. Most of the bullets had missed her, thanks to the girl’s agility, but she received another bullet in the same arm that had already been injured. At that point every shot from her guns would injure her due to the recoil. “Fine, screw this!” Hit threw the pistols to the side and pulled out a submachine gun. Her MP5. Of course, Kick told her to not bring it out today, but now she was pretty happy she was able to… “Ah, shit,” Needles’ muttered before a hail of bullets came his way. He hopped behind his truck for cover and made his way inside through the driver side door, but not without Hit trying to take a few potshots at him. Once Needles had made it into his ice cream truck, he had found another weapon, a gun specifically. He didn’t use them often, but it was good to have them on stock, and now, his MP7 was finally going to get some use. Needles grabbed the gun and he stuck it out of the window. He pulled the trigger and bullets flew down the alleyway towards the teenager. Hit Girl could barely get out of the way in time, and even then she suffered from a bullet to the leg. She tumbled onto the ground and quickly crawled behind cover as she reloaded her weapon. “You like that, huh?” Needles asked as he hopped out of the ice cream truck via the giant opening in its side. He fired towards the dumpster, where he had assumed that Hit-Girl was. As the absolute bullet hell was sprayed towards the dumpster, he made his way towards the dumpster, ready to finish this girl off once and for all and get back to his delicious ice cream. When Sweet Tooth turned the dumpster corner, he fired the last of his magazine into the area behind the dumpster, though, he was surprised to see that there was no one behind the dumpster. Anger turned into confusion as he tried to figure out where the girl had gone to. Then, he had heard footsteps behind him. Needles’ had stepped to the side the moment he heard those footsteps, and he did so just in time to avoid a katana blade that would have chopped him in half. He spun around and punched towards Hit. He managed to hit her in the face and the girl fell to the ground, clutching the handle of her katana. “Stay there…” Needles demanded before moving to his ice cream truck once more. He reached inside and his hand grasped the familiar handle of his favorite weapon. Needles chuckled as he pulled out the serrated machete. “You’re gonna bleed!” By the time he turned back to Hit-Girl, she was pulling herself to her feet, planting her katana into the ground and using it to stabilize herself. She let out a deep breath as she made it to her feet. She held her weapon up and pointed the blade at the clown. “Big mistake, bud…” Needles then stomped over towards the girl and swung his machete towards her, putting all of his force into it. Hit-girl blocked the attack, requiring both arms to keep the blade in her hands. She struggled as the two locked blades, but eventually she was able to back away from the blade and slice towards Needles. Needles attempted to stop the blade with his own, but he was too slow on the draw and the katana left a nasty gash on his side. Blood gushed out of the wound in his side. He let out a scream of pain as the warm red liquid ran down his side and his pants. “You’re gonna pay for that!” Needles swiped his own katana towards the girl and before Hit-Girl was able to react, the serrated edges of the blade dug into her torso, pulling at her clothes and skin and causing her to bleed profusely, blood running down her stomach as she took a step back. The killer clown let out a laugh as he swung towards her again, and again, and again. Needles would keep swinging his machete towards Hit-Girl, and she’d continue to back away. Eventually, Mindy would aim her blade towards the clown and lunge towards him. Her blade plunged deep into his chest, causing his entire body to tense up. The man would suddenly let go of his machete and grab onto Mindy’s shoulders and applying a painful amount of pressure onto her. She could barely move her arms now. She struggled against the man’s hold. She could eventually break free from the man’s grasp, though by that time she felt like the man had caused some serious damage to her shoulders based off of sheer grip alone. Intending to finish this, she pulled the katana out of the man’s chest, causing blood to spurt out and onto the her. The warm blood on her face didn’t bother her much, as soon afterwards she swung her katana towards the clown’s neck. The blade cut through his flesh like a knife through butter. His head had popped off his shoulders and fell to the ground. Mindy watched as the head rolled away. She let out a deep breath, her muscles relaxing as her eyes glanced towards the car. A spark filled her eyes as she suddenly began to search the killer clown. Maybe he had some keys on him… Meanwhile, Kick-Ass was waiting in the park, watching some owners play with their dogs and waiting for his ice cream. Though, the amount of time Mindy was gone made him worry. He was about to go and check on her when a giant mech robot suddenly leaped into the park and right in front of the bench he was sitting at. “Hey Kick!” A familiar voice shouted as the vigilante recoiled in fear. When he heard the voice, he slowly relaxed himself as he stared at the mech. “Get inside! I found a cool ride!” “H-Hit?” He asked was the mech turned into...an ice cream truck? What the hell? Mindy opened the car door and dragged him into the vehicle. “Dude, you look like a mess! What happened?” “Sit down and get some ice cream, Kick,” she said as she gestured towards the tubs of ice cream in the back of the truck. The vehicle would slowly transform back into a mech as Kick sat down with a tub of mint ice cream. “I got one hell of a story to tell.” Expert's Opinion Hit-Girl had been outclassed by the superior weapons that Needles had at his disposal, but what led to her winning the fight was her agility, her small frame, and the fact she has actual combat experience against normal people. Sweet Tooth's lack of experience with fighting others outside of his mech and his affinity for his machete and rare use of firearms also gave him a disadvantage in this fight. Category:Blog posts